I was having a conversation with someone – a rare thing – and they asked me why don’t I move with one of my parents that lives somewhere else since it would be really ‘convenient’ for me. My other parent was there and made a joke, saying ‘but then she would have to deal with them! hahaha.’ The person replied ‘oh, it can’t be that bad!’.
It felt so surreal. That’s a common thing. She finds that perfectly normal. Some people can actually spend time with their families without wanting to jump off bridges.
The fucked up thing is I don’t know anything. At all. I was trained by my abuser to believe that ‘everyone hates their family! everyone’s miserable! everyone in this world is completely dysfunctional! relax!’ and I have absolutely no idea if that’s true or not. I don’t know what the norm is. I guess I’ll learn more about how life works when I’m able to get out of here and live for the first time. Then I’ll make my own conclusions. But in the meantime, I have no fucking idea.
I know that people who’ve been abused understand the feeling. I used to think that ‘brainwashing’ was just a far-fetched element of pretentious movies. I can’t even explain it. My mind is a blank board where anyone can write whatever they want in it, and I’m only watching. I don’t even have a pen to write something in it myself. It’s scary.