Happy holidays to me

I haven’t written in several days cause I was busy. I was feeling okay, apart from the fear that I’ve been feeling lately.

I’ve gotten my physical exams done and everything went fine, thankfully.

I want to finish my year recap, but I’ll have to do it in January. So much happened this year.

So, I’ll be seeing abuser B and their family this week. It’s a yearly thing I can’t avoid. Last week I started having the symptoms that I usually have when I see them, like feelingĀ self hatred and suicidal, fantasizing about rape all day long. Thankfully they’ve gone away for the most part. I think acknowledging and understanding my symptoms makes it better. I’ve also been really tired and spacey, (also common) which hasn’t gone away. I have a lot of things to do but I have 0 energy. And not only that, since yesterday I’ve been feeling sick, sort of like I’ve caught a cold.

This is not the first time this happens, in the past I’ve been sick just from knowing I would have to spend time with them.

Yay, family. Are there people who enjoy spending time with their families? I find it so hard to imagine.

In terms of my feelings, I’m not feeling much. I always go numb when I have to be with them. Just go numb and wait for it to end.

These two weeks are gonna be long. I know I’ll be fine, I’m more equipped to deal with it now. Just two weeks. Then I’ll go back to working, writing about mental health, trying to stay healthy. I can do this.

I want it to be over already.