Their only goal was to kill me

I have one year and a half to make enough money to maintain myself and move out. Right now I barely make enough money to buy food.

That’s how long my abuser will help me financially. Which would be fine, in any other circumstances, since I’m in my twenties. Except I’m mentally ill, an abuse survivor, and I’m functional only 60% of the year. I can’t get treatment. I had to drop out of college. I wouldn’t be able to find a job, outside of the online job I have right now (that I’ve created myself).

Have a child, abuse them their whole childhood, and then kick them out once they are in their twenties, right? Regardless if they are a functional human being or not.

That’s the situation my abuser created for me. That’s them, pushing me once again to kill myself. That’s them trying to kill me.

That’s all they’ve ever wanted. To destroy me. That’s what they’ve been trying to do since I was born.

 

How am I going to survive this? When will I stop fearing for my life? How much of my life are they going to destroy?

 

Why did I have to go through this? Why did my life have to be horrible? Why did I have to be born in a family that only had me to abuse me?

I’m so tired of fighting for my survival.

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