Going nowhere, but at least I’m moving

I’m doing therapy, and it’s kinda good but not quite what I need.

She gets that my family is fucked up and that I had a shitty childhood, but I feel like she doesn’t fully grasp how abusive they are and how much that affected me. It sucks.

I mean, that was the whole reason I want to go to therapy, so I can talk about all the shit I’ve been through and get it off my chest. I feel like I won’t fully recover till I do that.

But yeah, I don’t know. It’s better than nothing, and getting a different therapy would be really difficult.

I’m also trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD, I already called a professional to set an appointment. Just getting the diagnosis is expensive as fuck (and I fucking hope I get it), so I probably won’t be able to afford treatment any time soon.
I just want to get the diagnosis for now, so I can show my abusers I’m actually mentally ill and not a lazy piece of shit. I hope I get it.

I’ve been trying to work and do stuff. The depression is kinda gone, but I’m still anxious and obviously ADHD. Just existing and living is so hard for me. It feels like I wasn’t made for life. It’s because of the abuse, I’m sure, at least most of it.

I’m trying to meet people. I’m just trying to… get by I guess.

Hope things work out.

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