It’s hard to wrap my head around the fact that I feel okay. I’ve been working a lot, staying healthy, feeling better. Normal is the abnormal to me, so it’s weird.
Since I began to see my abuse, a year ago, this is the first time I’ve been doing okay. (And the first time in my life, ever).
Deciding to focus on my work and my present was a great idea. I’m still aware of my past and abuse, but I don’t think too much about it, so I don’t get depressed.
And the fact that I’ve been working so much helped a lot, because for the first time I can see how talented, creative and smart I am. How I get results whenever I go after.
Basically it has helped me confirm that all the things my abusers told me I was, I’m not. I’m not lazy, or stupid, or immature. I’m actually super independent and proactive, and they’re the ones who live pathetic lives.
Is surreal seeing with new (and accurate) eyes the people I used to fear. Finally I see them for what they are: sick and sad people, who need to break me down because I’m a better person than them.
It’s like a new chapter. I’m hopeful and afraid of my future, but I guess it can’t be worse than my past. At least I’ll be free to do with my life whatever I want. I’m only a few steps away from freedom.