Being a child

I don’t know if I’m gonna make sense, my mind is all over the place and my head hurts, and I’m regressing.

I don’t wanna feel this way but I can’t help it. It really is coming out like never before. I hope this doesn’t happen often. I was thinking that maybe I had a facet from my OSDD-1 that was a little one, but I wasn’t sure. It’s a head space that I can access when I’m feeling overwhelmed, but it’s always a conscience decision and it never feel like it was a full-formed facet. However, today it came out stronger than ever.

I have to go through a medical procedure tomorrow and I’m nervous. I was sad and overwhelmed, so I went to my head space. I do that often, but this time I connected it to things from my childhood. Specially with sadness.

I used to feel an immense sadness when I was a child. I don’t know how to explain it. And I also know that there was nothing there to comfort me.

I wanna explain more but it’s hard. And I want to let the little one speak but she’s not talking. I usually go non-verbal when I regress.

I went through so much as a little girl. I feel like part of her is gonna be trapped inside of me forever. It’s so sad. I just feel sadness.

I wish I had someone that could hold me, but I know that if I did I would probably cry for years.

I wonder if my little one holds any memories.

Who’s gonna fix all these broken peaces of me?

Now more than ever I can feel how I’m split into multiple facets. I’m clearly a system.

I hope all my parts can make it through. At least now I’m less lonely. The little one will probably go dormant again after this, and I’ll go back to the facet that usually fronts (which is not me). I feel better now though, with her here.