So, the host fronted today. She rarely does. But it was nice, cause I realize she does whenever I’m honest to myself about my abuse. It’s like she knows the truth.
It was also the first time I felt like we’re in this together, like we are a system. She said that we should all stick together and try to survive. And if we die, at least we know what the truth is.
I switched while I was thinking about therapy. I started a month ago, and the therapist is nice and validating for the most part, but I still feel like she doesn’t get the depth of my trauma. Which sucks.
I figured I should just give myself the validation I need (I know what I’ve been though. That’s when the host fronted). At the end of the day, I don’t know if any neurotypical would be able to understand. It still sucks though, I wish I had someone to talk.
She’s really nice, but I’m disappointed.
The therapist Kati Morton says that in order to process trauma, we need to talk about it in detail. That’s what I want to do, but I feel like my therapists just wants me to move on. But I can’t move on until I can get all of that off my chest.
What I need is to feel understood. Paul from the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcasts says that the best thing is for someone else to witness you pain. I crave that so much, that’s all I want.
I’ve been through so much, and I have so much pain inside of me. All I want is to have people who love me, and support me, and believe me. Who can see my real me.